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Signs Your Guy is Gay

Text and Image Copyright Notice. Published under copyright by Loveawake Spain. © Copyright 2010-2020. All rights reserved.

 I have dated gay men. Obviously, I didn’t know they were gay at the time. I eventually found out because they told me—or someone who had the inside scoop did. However, in retrospect, there were some tell-tale signs that I ignored.

Your Guy Might be Gay if…

You think he is gay.

With every gay guy I dated, the thought crossed my mind at least once whether he might be gay. If your instincts are whispering in your ear, “Honey, that man is gay…” you might want to listen. I have often asked men I’m dating straight out if they have ever had sexual experiences with other men so that I can understand clearly where they are coming from—because some men will have sexual interactions with other men and consider themselves to not be “gay”. I don’t care how liberal or open-minded I’m supposed to be after going to a liberal arts college, I do not want to date a man who has sex with men. We can be best friends, but we will not date.

Other men (gay or not) think he is gay.

I used to think my straight guy friends were just being homophobic when they would call my boyfriend gay. “You think every guy who isn’t raging with testosterone like you are is gay!” I would yell at one particularly outspoken friend. Well, I was wrong and he was right. And if your gay guy friends think your boyfriend is gay, listen to them.

Your friends or family think he is gay.

At first thought, it seems great when your friends have no romantic or sexual interest in your boyfriend whatsoever. However, it’s kind of a downer if your friends have no interest in your man because they think he is gay.  It’s very hard to tell your girl friend that you think her boyfriend is gay, but every so often, one of your girl friends will sit down with you and timidly tell you that she thinks your boyfriend is gay. I have already told all my closest girl friends to please please please say something if they think my boyfriend is gay. Don’t spare my feelings in the short-term, because they will surely get hurt in the long term if my boyfriend is gay!

He can’t or doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Men like sex. (And we Crazy Girls really do!) Even super-religious men who are waiting until they get married want to have sex. If your man seems like he doesn’t want to have sex with you, he is probably gay. If he constantly loses his erection when it’s sexy time, and none of those nifty pharmaceuticals helps him either, then he is probably not aroused. His penis is cowering at the thought of your vagina. He is gay.

Now, I know that you may have been hoping that I was going to give you a laundry list of “gay boyfriend” behaviors to check against, but that’s not how it works. Your instincts, the impressions of other people, and his penis will tell you if he is gay or not. The key is to listen closely to your inner voice rather than reactively rationalizing away your suspicions about his being gay.


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